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16 June 2012 @ 02:26 am
rebirth  
"The purpose of truly transcendent art is to express something you are not yet, but that you can become."

"Devotional labor lavished on a work of art radiates love and care to the viewer."

"If we cannot envision a better world, we cannot create one."

I'm finally ON BREAK. not just on break on break. ON BREAK. a vacation from a year of crazy stress and wonderful challenges of RainbowShine. that project brought on the most stress I've ever experienced for a whole year. sleepless nights, frustration leaking out of me and being thrown viciously into my relationship, and anxious doubts that this short wasn't going to work at all in the end.

i just want to say thank you to the universe for giving me one of the most educational experiences of my life. my animation and leadership skills are so much better than they were before thanks to this project. RBS was like a great big fish that I hooked onto (out of the intention of making a film from scratch with a TEAM of creative artists learning and gaining wisdom from each other) and this fish just propelled me further into STUDYING animation on my own, practicing every day, diving into topics such as smears that weren't even mentioned in my fundamental classes. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. i want to be a highly successful top-notch animator that is able to produce animation that match my visions. I want to tell stories that are heavily influenced with nature and spirits and imaginative abstract beautiful visions.

also thanks to RBS, i was pushed to reconnect with my spirituality and meditating on my goals and visions. knowing and visualizing with what I wanted for the good of all and then, with detachment, sending those wishes out into the universe. that peace with uncertainty is a place of bliss for me.

i will be starting DEMO 1 next quarter. 5 pieces that will get me a job in the top companies. 5 pieces that need to be BETTER than what's being produced at Ai, Cal Arts, anywhere. Everyone is my competition, and I need to be the best. I want to work with the best and be with a team that pushes each other to get better and better with every drawing. You will be my rival because I want to push you to be your best, just as I want to show the world my best. I'll be de-activating my facebook because my career will come first. I want to ensure that I will be putting bread on the table. with butter. lots of butter! there is no time for distractions. I will still keep in touch with loved ones by the magical device of the phone.


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anyways, I've just started reading "The Mission of Art" by Alex Grey. absolutely a must for artists. and for anyone who wants to realize art in a beautiful spiritual way. this is THE BOOK that will help you be set apart from everyone else and get you noticed because it will teach you to attune yourself to your own special mission and vision. I want to animate characters in my own special style. and make sacred animations that can be used as meditative visuals and guides. a 3D world depicting a inward state of deep meditation with visions of the mind. animation therapy. animation that dissolves ignorance.


"The artist's soul is a psychic atenna tuned to the needs of the world soul."
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"We all organize and interpret life according to a unique psychological filter or lens, our worldview. This psychological context, the way we hold the realities of life, including who we think we are, mostly goes unnoticed. Our mind and body use it somewhat automatically. In order to notice our own world view, we have to think about the way we think; we have to rise above our habitual thought patterns and notice that they are habits. We have to question who we think we are. **This happens only when our worldview is sufficiently challenged, when new visions collide with and unsettle our existing vision of life.** If the challenge is great enough, our worldview and sense of self will dissolve and either regress, break down, or transform to a higher and deeper vision."

Alex Grey was talking about how art history has changed and evolved with society's cultures but I can completely apply this to my life right now with my relationship.

I am so thankful that I have the complete opposite of me in my life right now. He is a logical thinker, and believes in the subjective experience and THAT is his ruling that it exists. He also believes in the truth of science.

I am an emotional feeler, and believe in the mythological pantheon that has existed since the dawn of man because I feel that divinity within me. I believe in the magic within me and in nature. I believe that you can put intention on objects and do rituals that will help you manifest your desires because you are talking directly to the universe and your higher being when you do that. I believe in communing with higher spirits because I've connected with them through meditation, tarot cards, and ecstatic dance. **

^all this (and there will be more than I truly want to explain to him and the world what I believe in) is something that I haven't THOUGHT about. I haven't THOUGHT about the way I think. Questioned who I THINK I am. Just as Alex Grey explained about how world views evolve because they are CHALLENGED. My love has been calmly challenging my views and for some reason, I shut off and become extremely emotionally attached to my "beliefs" like I AM my beliefs, and I get offended when he "doesn't understand it" or "respect." and it's no fair to him because I HAVEN'T EXPLAINED my beliefs and feelings. the way I FEEL it. expressing it through poetry is currently the most fufilliing way because I can express it through art. Just NOT becoming so defensive and ATTACHED to my beliefs is what I can do to help me get through a simple conversation with him. I get so defensive, it's really bad. I've never had to explain my spiritual/magickal beliefs to such a logical thinker (and to someone I am so closely attached to and whom I truly want to understand and love)...

This could be the perfect time to write out all my beliefs but I will have more time over the break and I need to get up early.

I'm so thankful for all the beautiful harmonies of my life right now, in all aspects of it. My ups and downs are merely reflections of the true potential and higher self calling to me that I haven't been paying or expressing Her as much. My true best pure self needs to be manifested 24/7. I will be aligned and I will be grounded. This break. Right now.

lovelovelovelovelove you burn me so wonderfully I can be reborn
 
 
 
neonspacecadetneonspacecadet on June 17th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
ELLA WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY GROUND BREAKING SUMMER. I CAN FEEL IT. there is so much of this that I am on the same page with coming out of my quarter at school it's absurd. I need to talk to you about it soon because I feel like you will understand it better than anyone. I miss you in my life so badly. I want to talk and dance and work hard with you all throughout this summer.